Thursday, June 28, 2012

What is the Worst Thing You Could Ever Hear?.....

.....  That one of the few people in your family who you (thought you) knew to be supportive--and who cared for you unconditionally--has apparently been lying, so to speak.

I went to my mother's house to mow her grass today.  I tend to find myself doing nice things for her all the time.  Every since I came out as queer, she has been one of the few family members who I always expected to be supportive and to love me unconditionally.  She even used to wear a button to work that says, "I'm Straight.  Not Narrow."  Well, that feels like total bullshit right now.

When I went over there this evening to mow, I was inside drinking water, getting hydrated for this mow in 100+ degree heat.  We started talking and somehow got on the topic of religion.  I had told her a story about how my brother recently got God-bombarded by our grandmother on Facebook when he posted this.

As our grandmother tells it:

When I brought this up to my mom, she said, "Well, you know that is what I believe, right?"  Then we got into a whole discussion on religion, and I asked her, "So if you believe all of what is said in the bible, do you honestly believe that I chose to be queer?"  And her reply was something like, "Honestly?  Yes.  You may not have chosen it specifically, but there are factors in the world that led you to make that choice.  I only hope that one day you will see the light."

I have a lot of this sort of attitude in my family--even knowing that there are ones who feel the same way but don't vocalize it.  However, I never thought my mom was one of those people.

I think one of the worst things you can ever experience is hearing someone who you believe will always love you unconditionally, basically say to you that they think you chose to be mistreated and discriminated against.  Needless to say, no lawn got mowed today.

I suppose this gives me one less reason for missing this place when I finish school and move away.  I had just hope that this would be one reason that would have remained intact.

1 comment:

  1. Look man... you are what you are... and I somewhat agree with her.. but not in a religious sense... I'm attracted to women based off how I encountered life, as you to men... I think the problem is, when people try to make it sound unnatural, or as though you don't actually have feelings involved.. I personally think we all have to potential to be straight or gay, it's just a matter of the decisions we make.... You mom cares, and according to the basic "bible" principles, it sounds like the right thing to say... You're fine as you are, and as your grow, and if you maintain a positive life style, you'll be where you need to be in the end... people focus more on religion, than the life style... sorry you went through that man... it's just some people haven't learned some of these truths about life yet.... but great blog!!!